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Whew! THAT was a long week. (the image conjures up a bit how I felt at the end of the week - actually felt more like a big sigh!)
Every time I go through the Artist's Way I think that it is going to be easier going through the "no reading week". But each time I'm wrong. However it is true that the growth I get out of the week definitely fast tracks me on my creative path. So here's what I learned this week:
1. I do a lot of clicking through to things on the computer that I don't necessarily have a lot of interest reading. However I seem to have gotten into a habit of unconsciously clicking JUST In case there is something compelling to read. Funny though I didn't miss not doing that - ok there were a few false starts where I found myself reading a Cross Cut article and then thinking "Wait, I'm not supposed to be reading!"
2. Having time to focus on other creative pursuits led me to realize how I miss buying old furniture and refinishing it for resale. My energy for this endeavor was reinvigorated after finding a dresser (that definitely needs some work!) similar to the one I recently sold. Synchronicity lives!
3. Reading provides a lot of comfort and is a big part of my self care and I was forced to find other ways to provide that for myself which resulted in trying out a new gym I've been wanting to look at for over a year (and liking it enough to sign up), more uke playing and more writing.
So that's just SOME of my "ah ha's" re: reading dep week. How about you?? We'd love to hear!
Best,
Kate
My ahas..where do I start??? First 2 days were hell. For me, I was used to very heavy internet "use" both at home and via my phone. The first day I didn't know what to do with myself. Literally. It was like I was a bit paralyzed. I slept. A lot. Wednesday am I decided to go on an hour long walk (one of the unfinished tasks from the previous weeks) in the morning before work. I ventured down streets in my neighborhood I had never been, and discovered a church, school, and cemetery that I never knew existed. This particular neighborhood is lush with trees and foliage and every color of the rainbow and beyond, each house and yard more creative then the next. And it was raining. Heavily raining. I was in sensory overload heaven. Then something kind of snapped in me during this walk. I started to become very angry about my cell phone, time suckers on the internet, those constant distractions that I have allowed myself to become a slave to. I started fantasizing about getting rid of my cell altogether, going back to a land line. Then I worried how my husband would take that, it would understand, especially since it is so radically different that anything I would have said only 48 hours prior. Would he think I was going crazy? Was I going crazy???
ReplyDeleteOver the course of the rest of the week, something continued to take over. After anger and resentment and mourning, came confusion of--what do I want and like? Do I know what I want and like? How can I NOT know what I want and like??? I had previously been inundating myself with so much from the outside media, and this week I became painfully aware of how little I listened or even asked myself what do I think or like about the very simplest of things. And then the purging began. Like a wildfire not to be stopped. Through papers, clothes, items, books, so many things...things I held on to out of guilt because someone gave them to me...things I held onto that a previous me had liked, but this today me suddenly found to be totally repulsive...I came to realize this week how little I recognized myself because I was stuck on this idea of how I am by not only others' definitions and labels, but of somethings so long ago that I just accepted or expected to remain stagnant, forever. I mean, I'm sorry to say it, Hello Kitty, but you're actually not that cute!!!
(cont)
ReplyDeleteSo through the purging I've gotten excited...the possibilities of what my once junk/computer room will become--an oasis of spirituality and creativity. And the upstairs deck attached to that same room, which I have NEVER used in 7 years(**REALLY**??), how much love it is going to get with plants and a bird feeder and a cozy chair to sit in as I write, read, meditate, or spy on the neighbors (kidding about that last part...sorta).
I have been gifted so much this week. As I purged some old interpreting reference books, I was inspired to give them to a friend, who asked me if I knew that Sunday was her last day working at the restaurant as she was finally going into full time interpreting (no, I didn't know!)? Or when I listened to my artist child during my extended artist date and got a rocky road ice cream cone (in a cake cone of course) at Baskin Robins, and instead of secluding myself and eating in my car, I plopped down at a table and watch a family of 7 kids with the mom and grandma all eating ice cream..where 4 year old Rachel had deep dark chocolate ice cream all over her face, clothes and hair as she proclaimed, "I had the BEST day!"....or when I explored Magnolia for the first time during that same artist date, driving along the waterfront, only to have family of ducks with their little babies decide to cross just as I was approaching. Magnificent. And today, I gifted MYSELF...with the release of my "smart" phone (oh the irony) in exchange for an old fashioned (and I do mean old fashioned) cell phone for simple calls and occasional texting as they are received. Kind of terrifying to be honest, and yet thrilling and exhilarating and so freeing at the same time. Who knew one could experience so much from a cell phone??
And all that said, I reserve myself the right to change my mind (not out of panic, but out of a true new perspective) at any time. Because that is what I have really learned about myself this week. I truly am evolving, and if I allow myself true freedom, what I believe one second has the possibility to change at any time, and I want to remain open and humble to that guidance. My new motto (and I must admit, I am blatantly stealing it from someone else from whom I heard it recently):
My life has no rules.
LOVE your comment Jenn! I could relate to so much of it! The pitching things - out went the old therapy books (that'd been stored in a closet) and in came a cool 1950's $2.99 set luggage I polished up.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally going to steal the "my life has no rules."
Best,
Kate
At first, like Jennifer said, it was hell. I couldn't understand how I would ever be able to do the whole week without reading.
ReplyDeleteI realized I was a compulsive reader. I say "realized" even though I've always known this because I finally admitted it to myself. I read while eating, while on the pot, right before I go to bed at night. And I don't read new things...oh no...I read the same old things over and over and over again. If I'm in someone else's bathroom and there is no reading material I'll get out the cleaner from under the sink and read the label. It doesn't matter what I read. At all.
It's quite debilitating and I see that I've been using it as a tranquilizer.
So this week started out as hell and ended up being the longest artist date I could ever conceive of. I didn't even bother scheduling an artist date specifically at all. SIFF is running and I had bought a 20 pack so I've been running around watching movies. Riding the bus, with no book, waiting in line, with no book, eating in restaurants, with no book, really made the world explode. I watched people. I listened to conversations. I felt like the whole world was opening up. I was afraid to open my Artist's Way book and do the reading but I managed to do that much.
My creativity also exploded. I started generating story ideas, one right after another. Then when I was at one of the SIFF movies someone got up and announced a screenwriting contest at The Film School. Grand prize is tuition to the 3 week intensive in July in Screenwriting and Directing. I've had several short screenplays in my head and lo and behold managed to get one of them out of my fool head and on paper. I'm going to submit it to the contest.
One thing that I did find disturbing is that my imagination tends to be dark and yes, disturbing. Almost psychological horror. I don't know what's up with that or if I even need to be worried.
So from this point on, I'm not going to do the compulsive reading anymore. Or at least I'm going to try really hard not to. I do love the books that "True Blood" is based on.
I'm glad I came to this class. I'd worked partially through the book before but blew off the reading deprivation. It was invaluable. Thank you for holding me accountable.
-Karin
YAY Karin. WOW how incredible. Thank YOU for sharing your experience (and can't wait to hear more Sunday). It's such a gift to hear all the discoveries you are making. You should be very proud of your hard work (and it is hard work!).
ReplyDeleteSee you soon!
Best,
Kate